


I promise that I’ll stop

by LightningHaski



Category: Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Angst, Based on a Twenty One Pilots Song, Depression, Hurt/Comfort, In a way, It got me thinking, Poetic, Recovery, Self-Harm, im sorry if you don’t like this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-04
Updated: 2019-05-04
Packaged: 2020-02-23 20:08:26
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,105
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18709111
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LightningHaski/pseuds/LightningHaski
Summary: And you swear to your parents that it will never happen againI know, I know what that means, I knowTyler’s depressed and his parents find out about his biggest secret, he makes a promise he’s not sure he can keep.Based on the song guns for hand by twenty one pilots





	I promise that I’ll stop

**Author's Note:**

> Triggers  
> Self harm

It was Sunday and Tyler was feeling like utter shit, he had school tomorrow but he knew that if he couldn’t even get out of bed on time to go to church there was no way he’d be going to school. 

He pushed his hand under his pillow and pulled out the small box that was hidden underneath, he opens it and sees the five silver blades staring back at him, the five blades he’s collected over the years that he’s been tearing into his flesh with. 

He pulls out his most recent one, he knows which one it is because it’s the sharpest, closes the box and hides it again. He leans over to grab the tissues on his nightstand before sitting up slightly in bed, he’s pulling his covers back and then pulling his boxers down to mid-thigh length. 

Tightening his grip on the blade he lowers it to his skin, his hand unnaturally steady, it’s been five years a new blade for each one. He digs it in until he sees blood beading up around it before harshly dragging it across his skin in quick motions, he loves the rush of metal biting into flesh and he does it again and again. 

He became addicted to it, the feeling of cold metal and warm blood mixing into one another, sizzling against his overheated and yet deathly cold skin as he gets carried away in the explosive feeling of everything tangling together. 

When he started self harming it was only once every few months, then that turned into once every few weeks, then every week, then every other day until it finally landed on happening every day for three years. If someone would have told him how addicting it could be to bring pain upon yourself in such a way he wouldn’t have believed them, but now he knows first hand.

He’s been able to hide his addiction for five years and he plans on doing it for the rest of his life, always making sure his brother Zack isn’t in their shared bedroom when he does it, always being fully clothed when around family and friends, never going anywhere without a hoodie or sweater on. He’s learned how to perfect his excuses in the summer, thankfully in the winter he doesn’t have to provided one since Ohio gets really cold. 

He swipes away the blood when his adrenaline starts to evaporate from his body and starts to seep into his bed. He looks down at his hips noticing for the first time that he went a little overboard, he did more than he had intended to but none deep enough that he would need to go to hospital. 

He pulls his boxers back up before getting out of bed, he throws on a shirt and some old basketball shorts from when he used to play. His family is at church right now so he can walk around the house with his marred skin exposed, he heads out of his room and down the stairs entering into the kitchen to grab some food.

He stop dead in his tracks when he sees his mother sitting at the kitchen island staring at the doorway he’s stopped in, she gives him a once over before stopping on his bare arms that have jagged scars ingrained into tanned skin. Tyler tucks his arms behind his back when he sees her staring, her gaze falls onto the lower part of his legs, there too the skin is heavy scarred with new and old stains of his addiction. 

“Tyler, come and sit down.” His mothers voice is calm and steady, but he can hear the underlining worry and sadness hidden deep within his throat. His first instinct is to run upstairs and hide in his room, but he knows she’ll just follow him, so he does as she told him to and he sits down opposite her, still with his arms hidden from view.

“How did you sleep?” Tyler was angry, he knew this wasn’t why his mother asked him to sit down and he knows she knew too.

“Cut the small talk, we both know this isn’t what you wanted to talk about.” He had never snapped at either of his parents before, but in this situation he couldn’t careless. His mom took a deep breath before letting out a lengthy sigh.

“Why are you doing that to your body Tyler?” She couldn’t even call it what it was it was just ‘that’.

“What? What am I doing to my body?” He was so mad.

“Why are you cutting yourself?” The moment the word was out her mouth she began to silently sob.

“You wouldn’t understand. This is something only I can work myself through.” He felt somewhat bad for making his mom cry.

“Please find a new way to deal with your problems. Please stop hurting yourself, promise me you’ll stop doing it.” Tyler thought about it for a second, he was so addicted to it that he hadn’t been able to stop in five years. He didn’t want to disappoint his mom so he nodded.

“Okay I swear that I’ll stop, I promise on my life that I won’t do it anymore.” His mom nods before standing up and rounding the island before pulling him into a hug. He can feel her tears socking through his shirt and he raises his arms to hug her back, it’s the first time in five years he’s hugged anyway without flinching. 

He made a promise he wasn’t sure he’d be able to keep, but he’d try as hard as he can to not give into temptation.

||-//

10 years later 

Tyler lifts his hand turning it into a gun in front of him before raising it above his head and closing it into a fist. 

“It’s worth it to stay alive. I promise.” Tyler looks over at his drummer, Joshua Dun, this man has helped Tyler in more ways than he could possibly know. Tyler’s been clean for eight years, Josh helped him stop by being there to guide him when the path got dark. 

He wrote the next song because fans had told him about their experience with depression and self harm and how his band has saved their lives. It made him think back to when he was in their position, how all those years ago his mom found out his dark addiction, how she helped to try and pull him from that until Josh came along and helped lessen the burden on her shoulders.

The next song starts, it was called guns for hands.

**Author's Note:**

> I read a fanfic and started thinking about guns for hands  
> I relate to the lines in the summary so much and then I wondered why Tyler understood so well  
> This is somewhat based on my personal experience with my mum finding out 
> 
> I’m sorry if you don’t like this


End file.
